Today’s my 25th birthday, I’m a quarter of a century old and it’s sort of crazy because most days I still feel like a kid at heart… But in a lot of ways, I enjoy getting older. As I look back on my life, I feel a sense of gratitude knowing how far I’ve come and excitement for what adventures I have left to experience. Getting older comes with a whole lot of self-reflection, some pride, some fear and a great big amount of soul-searching. While I still have a lot of life to live and a lot of learning to do, I wanted to share some lessons I've learned over the past years. These tips/tricks/advice whatever you want to call it, are things I've personally experienced and wanted to share with all of you.
So, here’s 25 things I’ve learned in 25 years...
Consider all advice (especially from your parents).
“Oh if I knew then what I know now...” I can’t tell you how many times I heard this growing up. Now, at age 25, I completely understand it. It’s amazing how much smarter our parents appear as we get older. In many instances, if I had listened to my parents’ advice, I could have avoided learning lessons the hard way. When I realized this, I told myself that even if I didn’t agree with what someone was telling me, I would at least consider their advice.
IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO TRY SOMETHING NEW.
After my freshman year of college I decided to drop out and change my career choice from psychology to bodywork/clinical massage therapy. At the time I felt like I was already too far invested in the first path and I was nervous about starting all over. But I did it anyway. When I was 20, I decided to start doing yoga even though I could barely touch my toes. At 24, after 12 years of living in North Carolina I decided to make the risky move to the west coast. What I’ve learned from all of this is that it’s truly never too late to change the course of your life. It’s better to have tried and failed than to look back and wonder “what if.”
True happiness comes from within.
For a long time when I was younger, I didn’t understand the difference between lasting happiness and pleasure. Then I realized that the illusion of ‘happiness’ coming from material things is only temporary pleasure. If we chase happiness in external objects (social status, wealth, materialism, other people, etc.) our pursuit for happiness will never end. True happiness is not something that can easily be affected by external factors, it’s a product of our minds. Happiness isn’t a destination, but a choice; a way to live our lives. We don’t need to look for it. We don’t even have to chase it. Happiness, in truth, lies within ourselves.
Trust your intuition.
When you get that gut feeling that something is right or wrong, don’t ignore it. You often know the answer before you even realize it.
You have a voice & you can use it for good.
I was really shy growing up and it took me a while to find my voice. But as I got older, I started to gain more confidence in myself and began speaking up and sharing my story. Once I did this I realized that many people actually related and felt inspired by my words — not to mention it felt so damn good to speak my truth. The last few years of teaching, writing, blogging and sharing my yoga journey online have shown me what a difference just one voice can make in the movement of health and wellness. I plan to carry on using it for as long as I can.
Not everyone will like you & that’s okay.
There’s a saying that goes, “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” On some level we all want to be liked and accepted. It’s a basic human need. But what I’ve learned is that we aren’t really in control of whether people like us or not. Once we release attachment to people liking us, we give ourselves permission to be exactly who we are. And the people who truly matter, are the ones who love us as is.
Friendships will come & go.
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that not all friendships will stand the test of time. Some are there for just a brief moment, often to share or teach something crucial to your personal development. Some will fade naturally. Others will be painful departures. Some will simply shift as you move throughout life. The most important thing is to treasure the friendships you have and never take them for granted. Be thankful for those who have stood by you and understanding of the friends who move in a different direction. And always always be open to new friendships that align with your values and interests.
Setting boundaries can be hard, but it’s 100% worth it.
This is a skill I’ve discovered that takes practice — especially if you relate to being an avid people-pleaser or someone who tends to avoid confrontation. Over the years I’ve had to learn how to be more assertive and really go after what I want in order to achieve my goals and dreams. I no longer feel guilty for putting myself first. I am no longer afraid to say, “No, I can’t” and “Not today”. Setting boundaries has helped me gain more confidence in myself and it’s allowed me to become a much better communicator.
Gratitude is everything.
It’s as simple as that.
Financial freedom is a necessity.
Taking ownership of your finances might be one of the biggest adult moves you can make. Ultimately, it means you're taking control of your life. It’s about living within your means, figuring out retirement, creating additional sources of income and making sure that money is spent on things you really need like food, shelter and even the occasional vacation or retreat (relaxation is important too)! The reason why I’ve discovered financial freedom is so important is because it means never having to work to further someone else's goals instead of my own. It means having options and more opportunities that allow me to pursue my own goals and to build the life I’ve dreamed of.
No one is thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are.
I mean that as in don’t let what you think other people think about you decide what you do. In most cases, everyone is so caught up in thinking about how others think of them that no one is actually thinking about each other — how you dress, what you buy, what kind of car you drive, don’t do it for other people. The good ones don’t care about that stuff and will stick by you no matter what.
Make time for your health.
Our bodies work so hard for us every day and many times we treat them pretty terribly. Investing in your health may seem cumbersome or daunting, but think about how much time you spend watching Netflix or scrolling through social media. If you could spend even 1/4 of that time practicing self care think about how much better you’ll feel in the long run. Take the time to exercise, drink more water, eat intuitively, etc. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
Seriously. Stop reading this. Look in the mirror and say these words… “I am beautiful, inside and out.” Repeat this to yourself every single day and don’t ever let yourself forget it.
DON’T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF.
We tend to be our own worst critic. It’s obviously important to acknowledge your weaknesses but what you should never do is dwell on the things you don’t like about yourself. Especially if these things are rooted in comparison. Accept the things you can’t change and take the steps needed to change the things you can. The moment I realized that everyone was so focused on their own lives was the moment I realized I didn’t have to take myself so seriously.
RECORD YOUR MEMORIES.
Photos, videos, journals, you don’t have to record everything to the point where you’re missing the moment, but have something you can look back on later and smile about. I have so many journals throughout my life and I love taking a trip down memory lane. Similarly, I love my photo albums from my childhood and one of my favorite memories is sitting down with my family and watching old home videos from years ago. It’s such a miracle that we’re able to capture moments digitally and take them with us throughout the rest of our lives. So record your memories. You’ll thank yourself later.
It’s okay to ask for help.
In self improvement, I think there’s often a myth that you need to “do it all on your own”. While I admire independence and self-reliance, I also acknowledge that as humans, we are interdependent beings. And to me, interdependence is about embracing the fact that I can be more successful when I ask others for help when I need it. It’s also about recognizing how my support can allow people around me — my students, my boyfriend, family and friends — to be more successful. And it’s about acknowledging that real ‘strength’ isn’t about self-reliance, but about daring to rely on others — and letting them rely on you. We can all do so much more together than we ever can alone.
Some of life’s most profound advice is found in platitudes.
“You can be anything you want to be," “Life’s too short,” “Time heals all wounds,” “Good things come to those that wait,” etc. Don’t dismiss it just because it’s a cliché.
Don’t like your life story? Change it.
You are the author of your own life. Our lives are a compilation of stories we tell ourselves. Stories of what we’ve done, how we’ve done it and what we want to do. Stories about who we are and who we are not. These stories create our reality, but they’re not always real. They’re interpretations of the truth, filtered through our perceptions, expectations, hopes and fears. Sometimes these stories don’t work for us. They don’t lead to what we envisioned and may even hold us back. But the stories of our life are malleable. We can rewrite them as often as we want. In doing so, we can create a new reality for ourselves.
Respect the choices that people make & be kind, always.
Everyone has different circumstances and different battles that they are fighting that we may know nothing about. Life is too short and too precious to waste it on judging others. Realize that we all are doing the best that we can. Because of our different experiences it causes us to all see the world differently. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt, be kind and more gracious to others.
Be curious about everything.
You’ll never stop learning. When you assume you know things, you close yourself off to new opportunities. Instead, ask deep and meaningful questions and wander off by yourself every now and again. Don’t be afraid to talk to strangers. Remember that everyone you meet knows something you don’t (you just have to ask the right questions)!
Travel alone.
Not just to the movies or the grocery store but take a flight and discover a new city by yourself. I remember how scared I was the first time I traveled by myself — and sometimes I still am. But when you start solving issues on your own — like figuring out where you are when you’re lost — it can give you a new sense of confidence and faith in your own resourcefulness. For me this carried into not only other trips I ended up taking, but also into my life at home.
Learn to let go.
Holding on to pain or grudges doesn’t fix anything. Replaying the past over and over again doesn’t change it and wishing things were different doesn’t make it so. In some cases, especially when it comes to the past, all you can do is accept whatever it is you’re holding on to, acknowledge and embrace your feelings, breathe and then let it all go.
Contribute & GIVE BACK.
One of the wonderful things about being on this planet is that we have the opportunity to give back to others in some way. Think of contributing to a specific cause, to someone else or to a community. Whether your heart goes out to the homeless, or you’re passionate about animal welfare or you’re fired up about equal rights… pick something. My heart recently has been focused on animal rescue in the streets of Bali. That’s why I’ve chosen to research and support nonprofits like the Villa Kitty Foundation who are rescuing stray cats and dogs in dire need. It doesn’t matter what you pick but finding an altruistic cause is not only beneficial to yourself but also to the world.
YOGA IS LIFE CHANGING.
Most of you already know how I feel about my yoga practice. It has truly changed my outlook on health and has been such an incredible tool to establish a deeper sense of patience, gratitude and self love. It’s never too late to get started and I definitely recommend it for absolutely everyone.
Say “I love you” more often.
One of my favorite quotes will always be, “The greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” It was my high school senior yearbook quote. Although, “I love you” is just three simple words, it holds tremendous value. We should always share the love we feel with those that make us feel it. Always keep your heart open and never be afraid of expressing love, it truly is one of the greatest things in the world.
Thank you all so much for reading through these!
Cheers to another year around the sun.
All my love,
Jess
