Dear 22-year-old me,
Trust that the journey you are about to embark on is for your highest good. You’ll feel excited, overwhelmed, hesitant, scared — and that’s okay. Give yourself permission to feel it all. Leaving home won’t be easy, but you know it’s necessary. Always follow your heart. You’ll be so grateful every time you do. Have faith that opportunities present themselves to you when you are ready. Keep challenging yourself to stretch and grow. You are so much braver than you think.
The accident you experience will be a wake-up call. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Later you will see it as a gift because it forced you to look at life differently. You’ll question what this is teaching you, why you are here and how you can move forward. There’s no rush. Give yourself time to figure it out. You’ll learn to trust your intuition, start living for yourself and stop worrying about what people think of you.
Serving others is beautiful, but don’t forget to fill your own cup. When you take time to replenish your spirit you can better show up for your community. Don’t second guess doing what you love. You can and will make a living from it, despite what others say. Start the YouTube channel. You’ll find your voice and grow confident using it. Don’t worry about imposter syndrome, almost everyone experiences it and I’m not sure if that feeling ever truly goes away. Give yourself more credit for being so fearless in following your dreams. You are passionate, hard-working and you deserve every bit of success that comes your way.
Don’t feel guilty for things not working out how you expected. People change, including yourself. And that isn’t something you need to apologize for. A person’s treatment of you is not a reflection of your worth. This person was not in a position to reciprocate love in the way you so fiercely and selflessly loved and deserved to be loved. That alone doesn’t make him a bad person. You just weren’t meant to be together.
Follow your desire to wander and explore the world. Travel on your own and embrace the unknown. You will discover a new type of love — the kind which blossoms from the freedom and exhilaration of simply being alive. Never lose your sense of wonder or curiosity. Always ask questions. Everyone you meet has something to teach you. You’ll discover home isn’t always a place, but sometimes a feeling. Living abroad will be some of the happiest months of your life. Be present, enjoy and live it to the fullest.
In two years you will experience heartbreak. The pain will feel familiar. You will be angry and sad. You’ll blame yourself. But what you need to remember is that you are enough. You have always been enough. Loving with your whole heart does not make you weak, even if the relationship came crumbling down with more intensity than it started. Be proud of how courageous you were. When you act with love, you’ll never regret it.
Be kinder to yourself because there are some things you just can’t control no matter how much you want to. Let yourself feel the heartache. Cry as if you will never love again. Cry often, because it’s what you need right now. You will love again, and you’ll be grateful for how much more sure of yourself you are after going though this.
When the stars align you will unite with your soulmate. It’s true what they say; when you know, you know. And suddenly it will all make sense. The connection will be strong, undeniable. You’ll take it slow. He’ll give you all the reminders and self-assurance that you need to remember that you deserve to be fiercely and selflessly loved.
You will take time to heal and be on your own first. This is important. You don’t need to seek comfort or security in another being or relationship — this is something you’ll discover within. Wounds and triggers from your past will resurface, but you will learn to work through them. Healing is not linear. Some days will be harder than others. Be gentle with yourself, especially on the hard days. You’ll hit a low you haven’t experienced in years and feel like you’re failing your younger self. Therapy is normal, and it’s okay to release the image you’ve built of yourself. Your therapist will tell you to write this letter, and it will help. You’ll realize what you’re experiencing isn’t you being overly emotional, dramatic or weak. This is trauma, and no one can carry that much weight on their own. You are going to realize that you cannot, in fact, carry the entire world in your arms. You can’t do it all. You need to be cared for and carried too sometimes.
Above all else, trust the feeling deep in your chest. You know that feeling. The one that says you’re wearing yourself too thin. Work. Family. The relationship. The friendships. Your physical and mental health. You have always been a fighter. Remember 18? Remember 16? 13? The times you don’t even remember but know were there? You’re still alive despite it all.
There will come a time when you’re invited to take off the armor. To surrender the layers of protection you’ve so carefully built around yourself to stay safe. You won’t need this anymore. Accept being fully seen, loved and adored for all that you are. Wear your scars proudly, don’t hide them. They are defining moments that prove your strength and wisdom and later encourage perseverance when you feel weak.
You are resilient, graceful and stronger than you know. Let yourself feel the wind between your fingers as you roll the window down and dance through the breeze. Love every moment that you’re alive, and never take it for granted. And remember that life is not life without both good and bad. You must have pain in order to appreciate, or even understand what is good. The pain and difficulty are essential in your transformation, in the elevation of your soul to its purest, most loving form.
So feel it all, 22-year-old self. You are exactly where you’re meant to be.