Real talk. How many New Year’s resolutions have you made in your life time that literally lasted for the first month, three months max?
If your answer is none, then you probably don’t need to keep reading. But if you’re anything like me (and 92% of the population), you might use the whole month of December to figure out exactly what you’re going to do better next year — and when you fail, you act like you never even made a New Year’s Resolution to begin with (honestly, I think we all have been there).
Don’t get me wrong, I love fresh starts. A new year brings a sense of new beginnings, inspiration, change and opportunities that I think is super important to be open to. But what I don’t love about the new year is setting impossible goals and expectations for ourselves, only for it to lead to failure and disappointments.
So basically what I’m saying is, I’ve decided to stop making new year’s resolutions — to stop setting myself up for failure and to stop making myself unrealistic goals.
Instead, I’ve started making lifestyle changes, which has shifted my awareness from a place of lack or scarcity to a place of abundance and gratefulness.
Here are 4 solid reasons you should consider giving up New Year’s Resolutions and a list of 4 things you can do instead:
Goals aren’t everything.
For all the self-help books in the world, and all the philosophers and authors who try to answer the question about what happiness is really all about, it basically comes down to this: it’s about the moments. The in-betweens. The here and now. With that in mind, I’ve decided to reconsider the notion of January goal-setting. Instead of being driven by achieving a certain goal — which for one person might be getting a promotion, and for another might be getting a certain amount of followers on social media — I’ve decided to be driven first and foremost by the kind of life I want to live: my lifestyle. Not what I want to have, or where I want to get to, but how I want to spend my time, right now, next week and so on. If more money means a job or task that comes with more stress and no time for doing the things I enjoy, then I'll be asking myself: is this a goal that will have a positive impact on my happiness? Probably not.
You can start anything any time.
While the first month of the year offers us a convenient fresh start, it’s still as arbitrary as the beginning of any other week — aka Monday. January doesn't need to be the specific month where we all make massive changes in tandem. I began practicing yoga regularly five years ago in the month of February. It was irrelevant to me that it was already a month into the new year. If I had had the mindset that it was ‘too late’ to start something new, I never would have practiced yoga that year and I might not be where I am at today. There’s a reason why the saying ‘there’s no better time to start than today’ rings true.
No more social comparison.
It may feel like everyone else is getting up at 5am to workout seven days a week while you can't drag yourself to the gym even once. Or suddenly everyone is posting their transformation photos while you haven’t noticed any immediate progress of your own. This way of thinking isn't unusual. From the beginning of time, we've been comparing ourselves to others to get a sense of how well (or not) we’re doing — or as a measure of our self worth. The arrival of a new year gives rise to that type of comparison in even greater doses. I call it "social comparison on speed".
The thing is, with social comparison, someone will always come out on top. And that also means someone will be at the bottom — you or the person you’re comparing yourself to. It creates a culture of one-upmanship, which will inevitably have a negative spin on it. Nothing good can come of this; I assure you. You either come away feeling inadequate or with a sense of being better than someone else.
It’s true what they say; it’s all about the journey
The journey towards an elusive goal is every bit as important as the destination. When you strike a goal off your list, you might experience a temporary surge of happiness or satisfaction, but then you will inevitably settle back to a level of contentment (or lack thereof) dictated by the quality of your day-to-day lifestyle as well as your perspective. In the psychology world it’s known as "hedonic adaptation”. Netflix’s Happy documentary from 2011 makes a compelling argument for this.
It’s about the moments. The in betweens. The here and now.
I know too many people who are so goal-focused that they struggle to enjoy the lulls in between these peaks and troughs. When they achieve their goals, they don’t know quite what to do with them. And just like that, they’re onto the next thing.
What will make the most of your moments? At what cost will you achieve these isolated goals? Goals certainly have their place, and they can be a great motivator, but instead of hurtling towards what you think will make you happy, let your goals be informed by the kind of moments you want to have.
What to do instead of setting New Years Resolutions:
Embrace gratitude practices
New Year’s resolutions tend to be about wanting more of something we desire and/or less of something we do not, which can often stem from a place of lack, scarcity, comparison and judgment. The “should” and “should not” messages we send ourselves when we make resolutions can be harsh and incriminating.
Instead, make a list of things that you would like to be and feel more grateful of in the upcoming year. These can be:
aspects of your life you would like to stop taking for granted
blessings you want to keep in your daily awareness
privileges you want to be sure to leverage for the greater good
opportunities that appear even in challenging times
daily gifts of the body and being alive, etc.
The simple practices of grateful living hold the key to greater well-being and contentment and hold space for you to manifest abundance.
Acknowledge your past success
Don’t be too quick to commit to new goals without first acknowledging and celebrating your successes from last year. And success can be qualified as everything from attending your first yoga class, to learning how to communicate and set better boundaries with your partner, to celebrating the successful completion of a degree or certification.
Make a list of all your accomplishments this past year; you might be surprised at how many are on your list. You might also notice that there are many in one area of your life and not as many in another. For example, I found I have more achievements on the business side of my life, but in the last year I've seen fewer successes on the physical side of my life. My list has prompted me to reflect on how much has changed over the last few years, and how demanding it can be to constantly travel and work full time as a yoga teacher and still keep up with my own personal practice. I am now ready — truly ready — to settle down, find a new permanent home where I can feel grounded and secure and to put more time into my own physical practice this new year.
I also personally find by writing lists of my past accomplishments, I put myself in the mindset that is more realistic in my life and allows me to create practical goals for the future.
Create conscious goals
Unabashedly write your “usual” list of resolutions (more of this, less of that) that you would like to bring attention to for the New Year.
Now, try imagining a source of gratefulness for each of them. How would each of your longings shift if you used “gratitude for what already is” as the inspiration for changes that you want to make?
Try writing the list again with a more grateful focus and see if it feels different and/or more reasonable to pursue your longings with this energy.
Remember the more specific you get when breaking down your goals, the more likely it is that you’ll accomplish them. When they’re broken down into manageable and measurable pieces, you’ll be able to track your progress and stay focused. It’s easy to lose focus when the goal is too large. This also comes down to consistency; which is why it’s important that your goals are centered around overall lifestyle changes.
Apply the one word method
Brainstorm what you want your year to look like. Think deeply about how it fits into your long term plans and where you want to be this time next year. Then pick one word to personify or to describe your year. The goal of this exercise is to choose one word — something that you want to strive for in the upcoming year. This allows you to constantly connect with the person you are becoming and striving to be in five seconds or less.
So who do you want to be this time next year? And what is one trait that that person will have? There is your word. That trait is the thing you should dedicate this year to.
For example, if you want to be more consistent with your yoga practice, your word could be “committment”. If you want to work on healing your anxiety, your word might be “brave”.
My word for 2020 year is action. I know that, in order for me successfully turn my visions and dreams into reality that I must first be willing to make a plan and take action.
Once you have your word, write it down, put it on your wall, or just have your phone remind you of it every now and then. Remember, whoever you are becoming is a result of who you have been, so acknowledge your power and take the leap into the next version of you.
So, if you insist on resolving to do something, do this: go easy on yourself, be your own benchmark for success by putting gratefulness rather than scarcity at the center of your new year commitments. Bring a more gentle form of motivation, rooted in appreciation, celebration and acceptance to your goals.
Reflect on the amazing year you’ve already had and take the time to think about the kind of lifestyle you want to live in 2020.
Happy New Year!
All my love,