“Finding yourself is not really how it works. You aren’t a ten dollar bill in last winder’s coat pocket. You are not lost. Your true self is right there, buried under cultural conditioning, other people’s opinions and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid that became your beliefs about who you are. Finding yourself is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation, a remembering of who you were before the world go its hands on you.”
~ Emily Mcdowell
When I booked my one-way ticket to Bali near the beginning of last year, I had no idea how long I was going to be there for. I only knew I would be leading a yoga retreat for one week in June and that my partner, Norris, would be joining me afterwards.
Beyond that, everything else was up in the air.
Before leaving the country, I ended the lease early on my studio apartment and Norris and I crammed everything we owned (after selling almost half of it) into a small storage unit. It felt so freeing to not be attached to anything or to be tied down anywhere for the first time in my life.
A few days later we traveled to Bali. I led my first yoga retreat and afterwards, we spent 2 months together exploring the beautiful island. By the time August came around, our visa extensions were about to expire and we had to make a decision:
Go back to The States or stay in Bali longer?
I knew in my heart I wanted to stay and explore more. I had a feeling my time here wasn’t meant to end yet. This was my first time traveling abroad and I was already in love with the culture and the nomadic lifestyle. Norris, on the other hand, was longing home and stability; he had already spent the previous years traveling and was ready to go back to school and work.
Can you guess who is the Sagittarius and who is the Taurus in our relationship? Lol.
So, we both decided to follow our own path for the time being and to make our relationship long distance (we’ll save that story for another blog post).
The night following Norris’s departure home, I had one of the worst panic attacks I’d ever experienced.
It came by surprise as I was laying in bed wide awake. I suddenly felt wave after wave of fear and my stomach gave out on me. I could hear my heart pounding so loudly I thought it would spring right out of my chest. Pains shot down both of my legs and then my entire body started to shake. I became so afraid I couldn’t catch my breath.
I started crying.
What is happening to me? Am I having a heart attack? Am I dying?
My mind was racing a mile a minute.
I sat up and tried to focus on my breath. At this point, Norris had woken up and was helping me calm down. After about 10 minutes, I was able to come back to my senses. As soon as this happened, I began trying to dissect the thoughts and feelings that I was experiencing.
The first thought — “How am I ever going to do this?”
‘This’ being: learn how to ride a scooter, get around town, manage my money, make new friends, plan visa runs, fly internationally… live all on my own in a foreign country.
I can’t do this. What the hell was I thinking?
That’s when I quickly came to realize my biggest fear. One that I had been avoiding this whole time: being alone.
None of this was a part of the original plan. Up until that point I always had someone else with me; someone else I could rely on.
The thought of being alone terrified me. But ironically, it also felt exhilarating.
They say, "If it excites you and scares you at the same time, you should probably do it."
And guess what?
I did.
Fast forward seven months and I couldn’t be more proud myself for following my heart and taking the leap of faith to travel on my own in Bali. Towards the end of the trip, I even felt courageous enough to book a one-way flight to India where I completed my 300-hr yoga teacher training.
This experience has been a huge journey of growth and self-discovery — one where I’ve learned how to let go and surrender and get out of my comfort zone. But most importantly, I’ve learned how to be okay with being alone.
Traveling solo, I realized, is similar to developing a yoga practice; in the sense that it’s a great way to learn more about yourself.
You get to experience different cultures and explore new places all around the world, while also discovering who you are outside of your normal everyday routine back home and outside of the labels and conditions placed upon you by society.
I felt compelled to share my story, especially in case there is anyone reading who is thinking of solo traveling. It’s an experience I’m so grateful for and will never forget!
So, with all of that being said, here are 7 lessons I learned from my solo travels:
The importance of surrendering & letting go.
I think one of the most difficult things in life is learning how to gracefully let go and surrender. But it’s also one of the most important things we can learn. Sometimes we have the tendency to hold on to everything and everyone so tightly, we fear that without that to which we cling to, we will be nothing. What we also fail to realize is that our attachment interferes with the love we have for that which we cling to — which takes away from the purity and the beauty that love ultimately has to offer.
While I was traveling it became clear to me that a lot of the things I was experiencing, places I was visiting and people I was meeting, was all only temporary — which made me appreciate it a lot more.
And the more I started spending time alone in my own company, opening my heart and connecting with my inner wisdom at a deeper level, the more I started to distinguish between true love and attachment. True love doesn’t hold, (that’s ego). True love surrenders and liberates.
How to appreciate & enjoy spending time alone.
Being on my own for the first time, especially in a foreign place, was a big adjustment. It took a while to get into the groove of things — finding a stable routine and learning how to enjoy my own company. It was honestly like getting to know someone new for the first time. I started taking myself out on dates and spending more time learning and doing the things I loved. What I realized during this time is that spending time alone is actually extremely healthy. We spend so much of our time with other people (either in-person or online) and it’s therapeutic to be able to step away from that all and have some free time. When you travel, you finally have the chance to truly unplug. You don’t have a phone ringing all the time, you don’t have your phone vibrating with text messages, and you don’t have unlimited wifi to constantly be checking in on your favorite shows. While traveling you have time to really be alone and that can bring peace as you step back from everything that distracted you back home.
“We need solitude because when we’re alone, we’re free from obligations, we don’t need to put on a show, and we can hear our own thoughts.” ~ Tamim Ansary
The world isn’t scary & people are (mostly) good
Despite what the media may say, the world (for the most part) is a beautiful, safe place to explore. During my travels I have found one thing to be true, and that is the fact that all people around the world genuinely want to do good. Especially in Bali where the locals are extremely generous and welcoming. Everywhere you go, you’ll meet people who will offer you a friendly smile, some fresh fruit or happily show you around when you are in need of directions.
The beauty about travel is that it teaches us to be open-minded, helps break down stereotypes and allows us to see the world in a positive light. It is true that bad things happen, but bad things happen everywhere, even in your backyard. You will find that stepping out of your comfort zone to explore the world is one of the easiest ways to build confidence in yourself.
How to truly honor & respect myself.
Most of us are quick to seek approval and validation from outside of ourselves. We’re so busy looking for love in all the wrong places, that we can no longer connect with the side of ourselves that already knows we are enough. That’s why we stay in relationships that make us unhappy, in environments that are toxic, jobs that we hate and so on, thinking that we aren’t worthy of more. The beautiful thing about spending more time alone with yourself is that it will teach you to honor and respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy.
Traveling alone also boosts your self-image and self-esteem so that you will no longer allow anything or anyone to make you feel like you are not enough — good enough, smart enough, worthy enough, beautiful enough, etc..
How to live in alignment with my life purpose.
Rumi said it so beautifully,
“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.”
Before I made the final decision to finish the rest of my travels in Bali on my own, I knew in my heart that it was the right answer. As cliché as it sounds, sometimes you have to trust your heart even when logic goes against it. During my solo travels I was able to get clear on my goals and what I wanted to continue pursuing in life. When you take a few steps back from your daily routine, away from the people around you and away from all the noise that surrounds you, you are better able to connect to that side of you that knows why you’re here on this planet and what your purpose is. I learned that I want to continue traveling and teaching yoga, but I also want to create a greater sense of community by leading retreats. I don’t think I would have had this breakthrough if I hadn’t chosen to be on my own during this traveling experience.
Making local friends is actually easy (even as an introvert).
You would be surprised how rewarding it is to make new friends on your travels. Although I was traveling alone, I realized that didn’t mean I wouldn’t be surrounded by locals and other fellow travelers who may end up becoming lifelong friends. Solo traveling also made me realize that I’m actually a lot more outgoing than I thought I was. One of my biggest worries that I had was that I would get lonely and be too shy to explore or meet anyone. But as a solo traveller, I was always being approached by other solo travelers wanting to make friends as well. I also found that by simply learning a few words in the local language, or by learning how to cook traditional foods you can easily strike up a conversation and make friends. People appreciate it when you try to understand them and embrace their culture.
Spending time alone allows me to enjoy my relationships even more.
When you spend time alone on a regular basis, and eventually start to enjoy being alone, you’ll come to find that you also enjoy your relationships with other people even more.
The time spent alone gives you a greater appreciation for yourself. It also lets you appreciate all the great things that come from your relationships with other people, most of which you may have been oblivious to before. I realized that as much as I ended up enjoying traveling by myself, I also really appreciated having my partner, Norris there by my side in the beginning. And there were many moments where I wished I could have shared some of the experiences with my family as well. There’s nothing wrong with having a sense of independence but there’s also nothing wrong with wanting to be with others.
The more time I spend alone with myself, the more I’m able to learn to embrace, accept and make peace with my so called ‘flaws’ and ‘imperfections’. I feel more love in my heart not only for myself but also for those around me. And I’ll forever cherish and be grateful for these lessons I’ve learned during my solo travels.
Thank you for reading! I hope this inspires you to embark on your own solo travels one day if you haven’t yet already.
All my love,
Jess
